Battle of the Tonys

I know, I know, you came to this site for the Seinfeld shirts. But we can have a healthy debate every once and a while too. Everyone knows that Seinfeld has a great core of actors who make it what it is. But the X factor that sets the bar even higher is the phenomenal group of characters who are sporadic staples or ones that are simply one and done. Here and there, I will take some fringe characters and put them to the test as to who is funnier. For the first foray into this Seinfeld character showdown, I chose to pick the two Tonys. Now, on our Instagram feed, this wasn't a close battle. 82% picked Hunky Tony. But I believe it is closer than that.

Moving forward, characters hey will be judged based on 4 key areas, plus my own personal biases. I suppose it is all my bias, but whatever, it's my column. Those four categories are longevity, LOLBY (laugh out loud by yourself), originality, and most importantly, quotability. Each will be given a score 1-5. With one being..side note, why does that always have to be explained? When is 1 ever the best? I digress. So without further a due, I give you….the candy line up...

Seinfeld shirts for sale.                VS                         seinfeld t-shirts for sale


Hunkkky Tony: Where to start? I mean, this guy is the greatest. You'll remember Tony as Elaine Benes' mimbo boyfriend in the episode "The Stall". He oozes sex appeal and has the attitude and style to go with it. But Elaine is not the only one with the hots for him, George has an enormous man-crush on him. He gets free pie!! His major interests are rock climbing, people who are down, and Superman comics. His dislikes include bowling and peanut butter. Hates it. Here's how Tony scored.

Longevity- 1 One episode, big mistake
LOLBY- 5 I defy anyone to watch the Monk's scene and not laugh
Originality- 3 Another boyfriend of Elaine who is a little off, seen it before but with some pizzazz 
Quoteability- 5 "What's the matter George, you down?"
"I don't think so George, you get no russsssssh from bowling"
"So I said, yo dude, you better step off!!"

"Just beat it dude!"

Final Score = 3.5

Tony Abato: Amazing cameo by Brad Garrett, great stuff. Tony is an obsessed auto mechanic who gets attached to the cars he works on. Loves Jerry's Saab 900 (not a turbo), remembers it well. He has zero tolerance for wisecracks or wear and tear. Ends up stealing Jerry's car when he wants to take it to another mechanic. While on the road, Kramer follows him only to be stopped when Tony chucks JFK's golf clubs at his mail truck. He's takin' out the WOOOOODS!

Longevity- 1.5 Two-part episode, good but not great
LOLBY- 4 Amazing outbursts
Originality- 4 We've seen some mechanics, but nothing like this.
Quoteability- 4 "You see this gasket?? I have no confidence in this gasket!!"
"You don't try to, you do it!!"
"51% of all turns are right hand turns, you know that?"

"The washer fluid is NOT FINE!"

SeinScale = 3.375

Hunnkyyyyy Tonnnnny wins a close one and is the first-ever Seinfeld showdown winner. I truly feel Tony Abato gets overlooked in the Tony debate but no one can top Hunky Tony. 

Leave a comment